2nd Amendment to the Constitution of The United States of America

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

"I ask sir, what is the militia? It is the whole people except for a few politicians."
- George Mason (father of the Bill of Rights and The Virginia Declaration of Rights)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The 5 things you'll forget to bring to the zombie apocalypse that will get you killed...

OK. so the zeds have risen...civilization is falling apart all over the place and all you can do is laugh as you climb into your SUV with your M4, ninja Glock, Bug out bag and box of MRE's to go wait out the terror in the seclusion of your bastion hideaway up in the mountains  (actually an old travel trailer you placed on a lot in the woods outside town).  Man, you got the world beat...I mean while all those others become human sushi for the undead, you'll be kickin' back, popping some zeds, drinking a cold one and maybe even enjoying the company of someone else that considers living as the love slave to some survivalist geek is better than the alternative...YOU DA MAN!!



WRONG!!


OK, lets be real, you are going to forget something...small or large...there will be something that you forget to bring that is going to get your ass munched....I mean lets look at the "research".  In every zombie movie you see if your not in some government run compound run by the Army your one of only a handful of survivors in the wild with only a portion of your party armed with weapons.  What's wrong with this scenario?  Well, if current firearm purchases and ownership is any indication, there is no way in hell that an army of the undead of any sizable force should be able to rise with all the lead that should be flying with that many guns around.  So what's the deal?  The deal is that even though all those folks bought guns before the plague of the undead (and don't even think about the gun store on Z-day unless you just happen upon patient zero and a gun store is right next door) they all forgot something that got their flesh torn and eaten.  Most likely it was one of these 5 things:

1.  Ammo.  Sure you think that this would be common sense, you know  bring ammo!  But just think how many times have you gone to the range and run out of ammo before you intended to. During the initial phases of infestation "buck fever" will go wild as every prepper in the world tries to get the high score on the real life version of "Zombie Mode" and will blow through their ammo quicker than Lindsay Lohan gets in and out of jail.  Yeah that tactical vest you bought will hold 4 mags for your AR and the mag coupler will hold another on your rifle with the one in the mag will for a total of 6 mags or 180 rounds...but that is nothing compared to the number of zombies that will be awaiting you my good readers.  I mean if the total number of zombies you had to dispatch was under 200 this would not be much of an issue to write about, would it?  And that is assuming every time you pull the trigger you get a head shot.  Just take a look at these marksmen to see what I am talking about...


2. Meds.   You will probably have a blow out kit on you with a combat tourniquet, Israeli bandage, quik clot and the works....what you won't bring is enough aspirin, foot powder, pink bismuth, neosporin, vitamins and antibiotics.  Its the little things that affect your ability to fight and survive.  Small cuts become infected, stomach ailments can make you all but quivering mass, a lack of nutrients in your now radically changed diet can cause physical ailments (including the raging ninja shits) and your feet sweating and rotting in the boots you have worn every minute of every day since z-day will make you an immobile snack for the undead when they finally fail you.  Antibiotics?  Not going to say anything except if you do some research you will find some info about them being available from some very unusual source, and that they should NEVER be administered except by a competent medial authority....use your brain (before a zombie eats it) folks.  Soap...never thought of it as a medicinal item? Think again, no docs to run to when you get a fever after z-day....washing your hands can keep you from getting sick, and getting sick and not being able to function can quickly lead to becoming a late night bite for something when you are too weak and tired to fight back. 
3.  Toothbrushes.  What, Oh yeah...for weapons cleaning...right!  Well, partially right. Yes a good toothbrush is a good tool for getting your weapon clean, but thats not what I was thinking.  A toothbrush is an excellent tool for......brushing your teeth?  Huh?  Yeah, brushing your teeth.  There will be no dentists waiting to take your HMO payment in the apocalypse, keep those choppers clean and healthy.  Not only will the pain of a tooth infection seriously affect your morale and ability to eat and thus sustain yourself, but the mouth is a teeming cesspool of germs and bacteria only kept in check by the ability of the immune system and the barrier of enzymes in your saliva.  Doubt me?  Go online and find the correlation between dry mouth and bad breath caused by the proliferation of bacteria caused by lack of saliva....I'll wait.  Moreover, any infection in your teeth that can enter the bloodstream has a good chance of going straight to your heart which can lead to devastating end results.  It goes without saying that a good supply of toothpaste and dental floss should also be taken in account for for everyone in your party.  Just a hint preppers, use clove oil for those minor tooth aches.
4.  Locks.  After the fall of civilization to the great undead masses, those surviving will be at odds for what remaining resources are available to be utilized.  You may want to horde what you can and protect it for your use.  Most of the obvious storage places will be the most searched, but will also be the most logical for the purpose of stockpiling.  Your average storage center will contain over a hundred units that have lockable doors that can be used to keep your stuff away from both the mutant bikers (a la Mad Max) but also the undead themselves.  Hell, some of those units are big enough to actually live out of and most centers have a security fence that can be used to keep the unwanted passerby, undead or otherwise, at bay.   Otherwise a simple hasp lock can be used to convert almost any door into a lockable cache of weapons, ammo or food for use by you and yours at your convenience. And this is vital, as nobody can be sure if the undead infestation will consist of those "infected" types that will starve to death in a few months or the "real" undead that can wander for years before finally decaying to rotten flesh.  Your assured survival lies in being able to supply yourself for the long haul.  Enough provisions and you can wait behind a big enough barrier to wait it out in relative safety.  Otherwise you must venture out to forage for items....that equals getting munched.  In any of these cases having locks (both keyed and combination) ready to use will be a big plus.  While most of the even "high security" locks can be breached rather easily with enough time and effort (and lack of concern for anyone calling the now zombified police on your) you might be surprised by the sheer number of survivors that will still be "programmed" from their prior lives NOT to break into something.  Some lingering moral code that they cannot get around.  Their loss, your gain. 

5. Tools.  This is like #4 but from the opposite view.  What it you need to get into something but there is a lock standing in your way?  Well the proper tool can take care of that! Viola! instant access to a whole world of goodies for the taking.  Also, you decide to hold up in some pretty decently build building to wait it out.  Chances are whatever windows and the like on that place was not built to resist the all out assault of a thousand shambling bodies all pressing on it at once.  A good set of tools would be of great importance in helping to improve your defenses...and I am not talking about that Leatherman Wave hanging off of your Gucci combat belt you got from CTD either.  Hammers, pliers, pry bars, screw drivers, rescue haligans (look it up!), axes, wrenches....they are all important.  All of these can provide the means to secure your position physically against the undead and some are also a good source of melee weapons if needed (remember my love of the long handled hammer against a zed's melon).  Now tools (and locks for that matter) are heavy so you need to plan accordingly to transport them in a vehicle or spread the pain of carrying them among your group.  

OK, so that's it...just 5 basic and overlooked additions to your list of things to prepare for the zed uprising.  This is not an all inclusive list but just the 5 items that most people will not really think once or twice about, one really obvious one that people blow and 4 that maybe you never even considered before.  Take the list and use it and you can thank me for it later...especially when I come knocking at that trailer hoping to borrow a toothbrush and hammer because I forgot mine.

2 comments:

Huey said...

Hoosier Jeff left me a comment on this and my dumb ass deleted it by accident, luckily it was still available in my inbox...

"Hoosier Jeff has left a new comment on your post "The 5 things you'll forget to bring to the zombie ...":

Wow, this is the first list of supplies (aside from my own) that mentions using clove oil for tooth pain. Prolonged use dyes your teeth a little yellow, but it's a lot better than the alternative! And there is the fact that clove can be grown and sucked on when you run out of oil."

sorry Jeff...

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