2nd Amendment to the Constitution of The United States of America

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

"I ask sir, what is the militia? It is the whole people except for a few politicians."
- George Mason (father of the Bill of Rights and The Virginia Declaration of Rights)

Friday, February 25, 2011

Juan de los Muertos (Juan of the Dead)

A guy who goes by the name of "The Zombie Hunter" has been reading my blog for the past couple of months. Over on his blog called, not surprisingly, The Zombie Hunter he has posted an initial review on a Cuban zombie flick called Juan of the Dead. No, not Shaun, Juan...its in Cuba. If I get a chance to check it out somehow I probably will just to see what that country is capable of.



Generally, other than the food, I am not a big Cuba fan. Why not? Well, I am an American....we kind of have a history with that country...that almost ended the world.
The part of Cuba that agrees with me...

OK, so for those who flunked geography and history in school I am going to give this to you in my best translation in todays teen lingo...
At first we were like "they didn't" and then we were like "OMG, they f'ing did...those dicks!"

Cuba is this big island roughly 90 miles off of the Florida keys in the Gulf of Mexico. It was the sight of a brief war with Spain at the turn of the 20th Century that we won (after losing more men to food poisoning than enemy fire) that gave us some neat prizes...like Cuba and the Philippine Islands for a while. Anyway, we had a pretty sweet vacation spot down in Cuba until this guy named Fidel decided he wanted to get his revolution on and kicked us out. We left for the most part but said "no habla" when they asked us to give up a sweet harbor called Guantanamo Bay on the Southern tip coast where you can catch some sweet waves and stuff. President Ike basically said "screw you, we're staying" and had the Marines and Navy folk man the gun turrets and started sending our normal rent checks (which they have only cashed ONE in 50 some years!). Anyway, so this Fidel guy realizes his revolution isn't going to be worth squat unless they get a little money to grease the populations wheels with. The gringos from my country are pretty pissed off about the entire shutting down the casino thing and we stop buying and selling stuff with them. Fidel says "who cares" and starts kissing this Russian's butt named Nikita. Well, ol' Nicky has a thing or two against the USA and tells Fidel "hey bud, I got these missiles I need you to hold onto for a bit, mind if I park them on your island". Fidel says sure, we get pissed as hell...our President stops ogling Marylin Monroe long enough to order a blockade of the island....everyone gets pissed as hell and we almost start WW3.....eventually both Nicky and J.F.K. decided destroying the world would be a dick move on both their parts, smoke a fatty (it was the 60's for crying out loud) and backed off each others toes...

Oh Nicky...I can't wait to get back to the hotel....

...and there was this Bay of Pigs thing in there somewhere too...

Yeah, that Guantanamo Bay....

...and then Fidel, since he realized Nicky was just playing him as his bitch for the most part, decided to drop his hang low all over Central and South America and just piss all in the US' lemonade in places like Nicaragua, Honduras and Grenada just to show the world he had a set as big as Nicky's. So basically, the day Fidel smokes his last cigar we will probably resume normal relations with Cuba...but until then both Cuba and the US continue to break on off into each others ass every chance we get.

OK, history lesson over. I will try and see this but with some of the strict laws we have against the importation of any type of Cuban goods or services I don't know if this would be available in the US.

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